Divorce is a life-changing process. Change is inevitable. It can seem completely overwhelming and all-consuming. Don’t resist it. Embrace it. Approach it with a sense of optimism, not anger, without trying to seek revenge on your former spouse. You will be far better off in the long run.
Try to relax and think clearly. Take a big deep breath and try not to do everything all at once. Do it methodically. Mistakes and ill-informed decisions can be costly. Start by creating and prioritizing a list of things that you’ll need to change. The following is a non-exhaustive list of key things you will need to do, change, or consider.
Top 10 “To-Do” List
- Educate yourself and do your research on how the divorce process works;
- Take responsibility;
- Avoid the “do-it-yourself divorce”. Start with the collaborative divorce process;
- Focus on the big picture. Don’t sweat the small stuff;
- Start a divorce file;
- Organize your financial paperwork;
- Establish a new email account dedicated to your divorce;
- Try to keep the lines of communication open with your ex no matter how difficult it is;
- Stay focused on the end goal;
- Redo your financial and estate plans.
Top 10 “To change” list
- Change your passwords;
- Close your joint bank accounts and joint credit cards and open a new chequing and savings account solely in your name. Also, get a new credit card in your name only;
- Update your will;
- Change or appoint a guardian for your children;
- Change your beneficiaries (RRSP, RIFS, TFSA, Insurance Policies);
- Revoke your power of attorney if it is your ex;
- Change your representatives on your representation agreement;
- You may wish to change your accountant, investment advisor, or any other professional you shared jointly with your ex;
- Change or ensure your health and dental coverage is in place;
- Change your marital status with your employer and the CRA.
Top 10 Name Change Checklist after Divorce
- Social Security card;
- Passport and Nexus;
- License, car title, registration, and insurance;
- All bank accounts, investment accounts and credit cards;
- Insurance policies;
- Club memberships;
- Utility bills;
- Medical and dental records;
- Mortgages and loans;
- Voter registration.
Things you may also consider:
- Find a mental health professional who specializes in divorce;
- Join a divorce support group, e.g.: Circles, Meetup, Mensgroup;
- Hire a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist. A CDFA is a financial professional skilled at analyzing data and providing expertise on the financial issues of divorce:
- Hire a divorce coach, e.g. Claire Sutton Consulting, Knowledge For Men, Divorce Redefined, or Relationship Hero.
- Take back your Maiden name. Taking your name back symbolizes that you no longer wish to be connected emotionally, financially, or legally. Some resources: easynamechange.ca, Newlynamed.
- Hire a Parenting Coordinator.A parenting coordinator assists parents carry out their parenting agreement or court order. They help parents resolve disagreements. For B.C. see this site.
- Have a plan before dating. Stay single. Wait until your divorce is final before you start dating. Take some time for YOU first. Learn to be happy alone. Dating tips for divorcees.
- Hire a Personal Trainer. Stay healthy and active. Don’t turn to increased alcohol consumption. The best personal trainers in Vancouver.
- Go on a holiday – alone . Not a single-mom vacation with the kids … Alone, preferably overseas, in a foreign country, or at a beach.
- Learn to say no. Set new limits to reduce feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or guilty. On the other hand, learning to say yes to trying new things will help you move forward.
- Consider selling your marital jewellery. It will help you let go of all the negativity that comes with divorce as you chart a new course for your life.